I wake up every morning with untreated alcoholism. I cannot rest on accomplishments or laurels of yesterday. However, if I do stay diligent and strive each day to grow spiritually, there is no end to the freedom I will find. By surrendering to the fact that I am an alcoholic, and making a decision to really do something about it, I become open to the possibility of becoming who I might be.
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”
-Lao Tzu
There is a saying about alcoholics, there are two things we do not like; the way things are and change. If I’m truly going to treat my alcoholism, I must be willing to accept significant change. And we’re not just talking about a geological or physical change, we’re talking about a deep, long-lasting, psychic change. A complete change in our way of thinking. In order for me to obtain healthy long-term sobriety—and happiness—I must change the way I see the world around me and my place in it.
So each day I wake up and pray for guidance from a Higher Power. I know that my alcoholism is always there and as an alcoholic I must be diligent about treating it. So I pray every morning and night. When I first started praying I wasn’t really sure who or what I was praying to. I was doing it simply because someone who knew more about alcoholism than I did suggested I pray. After some time, the prayers started meaning something and I saw results. I would say that roughly 98% of my prayers are for other people and the other 2% are that I have willingness to grow and to accept whatever is in store for me.
Getting back to the topic of getting up each day with untreated alcoholism. If I were to go several days or a week without prayer and trying to grow spiritually, my thought process get’s off kilter. Also known as “off the beam.” Meaning thoughts come into my head that start to lead me closer to a drink. Closer to a drink for an alcoholic like me means thoughts that are usually selfish and self-centered. Either self-pity or completely selfish thoughts usually lead me to drinking. When I start to think that I’m the only important thing in this world, a drink is usually not too far away. Humility is important to staying sober. If I think my crap don’t stick and I’m invincible, then I’m looking to fall hard. I forget what alcohol does to me and start thinking that I can handle it.
If I’m not growing spiritually-treating my alcoholism-then I’m heading for a relapse. It may not happen today or tomorrow, but sooner or later, if I’m not treating my alcoholism, I’m going to drink again. And for me, to drink is to die.