Alcoholism is the only disease that constantly tells the sufferer they don’t have it. It is a disease, yet people—who have either been diagnosed as alcoholic or openly admit it to themselves—continue to play with disaster. They continue to risk their lives and in most cases wreck the lives of those closest to them.
We really are like a tornado roaring through the lives of others.
I knew I was an alcoholic for a long time, or a least had real issues with alcohol abuse, but really didn’t want to treat it. Why was this? Had I not lost enough? Did I not believe it was a terminal disease?
Looking at it more closely, why would I want to stop doing something that was treating so many other illnesses I had? Alcohol wasn’t my problem, it was my solution. Treating my alcoholism would have meant quitting the one thing that actually gave me any pleasure in life. Not until the pain of drinking—the consequences of self-loathing, alcoholism depression, and so many other bad side effects—outweighed the fear of trying life without it, was I going to change. Not until the risks were so great—my life—and I looked death in the face, was I even willing to attempt a different way of life. And even then it took several attempts.
So how do we go about treating alcoholism?
If you want to stop drinking and start treating your alcoholism, at some point you’re going to have to stop drinking. I know it sounds obvious, but that’s just the way it works. I like the saying, “there’s two things an alcoholic hates; the way things are and change.” That seems to be a huge dilemma and one that kept me from getting help for many years. But treating my alcoholism started with one gigantic step, admitting I needed help to do it. But asking for help means I’m serious and admitting defeat right? That’s right! And that’s a crucial step in beginning recovery! We must surrender to win!
Admitting I needed outside help to stop drinking was the first major milestone on my road to recovery. Believe me, I tried everything else. I mean after all, I was a smart guy right? Surely I could figure out how to stop drinking. I would Google “alcoholism, recovery, how to stop drinking” (maybe that’s how you found this site!) And try to stop drinking on my own. For me, that simply didn’t work. I needed something that included other people. After all, forming relationships was part of my problem. So I finally ended up going to a treatment center, living in a sober living house, and attending AA regularly.
So, admitting I need help, that I can’t do it on my own, was the first step in treating my alcoholism. The next step was… well, starting all over with how I perceived the world and my place in it. For years I thought maybe my alcoholism was caused by some deep seated emotional issue; maybe something happened to me as a child I wasn’t aware of. So I sought counseling and shared any experiences I thought may have contributed to my alcoholism. My first several trips to rehab were me thinking I had to get to some rooted problem or traumatic event which caused me to become an alcoholic; thus allowing me to effectively treat it. My thinking was, if I can get to the root issue, I’d be cured and could drink normally. What I discovered was; once a pickle never a cucumber. Once I’m alcoholic, I’m always alcoholic. I simply did not have any intention, or want, to ever drink normally. I drank for the effect produced by alcohol. Period. So I discovered that I had to starting treating my alcoholism. Which meant, learning how to deal with life on life’s terms without self-medicating.
Like any terminal illness, if not treated, alcoholism will kill us – means treating alcoholism as a disease. There’s a saying that goes around recovery: if not treated alcoholism leads to three things; jails, institutions, or death. Prior to alcoholism being understand as an illness, it was viewed as a moral defect; which sent most chronic alcoholics to institutions. The process of treating alcoholism is becoming more understood today. With shows like A&E’s Intervention, the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction is becoming understood more by mainstream media and households. But, the main focus of a lot of these forums is “just go to treatment.”
Treatment does not cure alcoholism!
Effectively treating alcoholism, keeping it in remission, takes hard work for the rest of the sufferers life. That sounds so demanding doesn’t it? It is demanding. You will often hear something like, “treatment is a good place for discover, but recovery happens in AA.” AA stands for Alcoholics Anonymous; which I am a big fan of. It works for me and is a major piece of my alcoholism treatment program. Think about how much time an alcoholic spends feeding their addiction. Thinking about their next drink, planning their next drink, making sure they have enough alcohol for holidays when most liquor stores are closed, making sure they have enough alcohol if they get snowed in, whether or not there will be beer at the football game… etc. etc. It’s pretty darn time consuming. For me personally, at least early on, I had to put as much investment and dedication into my recovery as I did feeding my addiction. Just as I chased that drunk or buzz, I have to chase after serenity and a sober life style. It does get easier over time, but only because I put in a lot of hard work early on.
But don’t let the idea of hard work scare you from wanting to treat your alcoholism, the result can be the most amazing thing you’ve ever imagined.
I guy I know in recovery says, “I wake up every morning with untreated alcoholism.” Yet, each day we can make it through anything, without drinking, as long as we are dedicated to treating our alcoholism. According to the book Alcoholics Anonymous, “We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.” For many people a spiritual solution is needed to treat their alcoholism.
Is a Spiritual Solution Necessary for Alcoholism Treatment?
The topic of spirituality is as deep as it is long, historically speaking. Whether or not a spiritual recovery program is necessary to treat ones alcoholism would be impossible to answer from an objective point of view; since I myself insist on seeking spiritual guidance not only for treating alcoholism, but for all areas of my life. Many people have realized the benefit of treating not only their addictions, but all areas of their life in a holistic manner. You know, body, mind, spirit sort of thing. Since examples seem to work well, and after all, all I have here is my experience, let me explain how it’s worked for me.
I knew I was an alcoholic probably starting in college. At least that’s when I really realized I completely loved alcohol and could never conceive a life without alcohol in it. A few years into college is when I really started drinking pretty much every night. Let me just qualify this statement, just because you don’t drink every night does NOT mean you’re not an alcoholic. When trying to determine whether or not you’re alcoholic, I’ll just suggest one VERY important thing; concentrate on the similarities not the differences.
So early in college (around 1991) I realized I was probably alcoholic, or becoming one. 1997 would be the first time I would seriously try to quit drinking. I was working as a manager at a bar & grill and drinking a lot of vodka every day. I was starting to feel depressed a lot and knew it was the drinking and lifestyle I was living that was causing all my negative and depressive thinking. So one day, I just quit. I remember it was a Sunday night.
I ended having a bad experience with detoxification from alcohol and spent 6 days in the hospital. It is possible to die from alcohol detoxing and I considered myself lucky to be alive. I vowed to stay away from alcohol forever.
Skip ahead almost seven years later. I hadn’t had a drink of alcohol in over six years… I begin thinking maybe I wasn’t an alcoholic after all. So how does an alcoholic go over six years without drinking? Simple, I’m strong willed and am extremely stubborn. After a few years, it was more of a stand off with myself. OH, and I isolated from most situations that involved alcohol.. pretty much. I began dedicating all my spare time to work and teaching myself web programming skills and searching for the key of how to find happiness. I still drank non-alcoholic beer now and then, but for the most part I just abstained. Working no type of spiritual program at all, thus not growing emotionally or spiritually. OH, yeah, they called what I was on for six years (an alcoholic who’s not drinking and not working any type of recovery program) a dry drunk. Think of it this way; sober up a horse thief, and you’ve still got a horse thief.Translation; any underlying issues I had that I was masking or numbing with alcohol for so many years, were still there. And if they refer to that as a dry drunk, well, I was a fire hazard. So after six years I decided that maybe I could have a nice glass of merlot with a steak. That’s sociable right?
Whether I had one glass of wine or fifty is not the important part, the key is I started the obsession again. And whether it was a few days, a week, or a month till my next drink; it was coming! Alcoholism is a progressive disease. If you have it, it always gets worse, never better, no exceptions. So for all those years I wasn’t drinking, I was not treating my alcoholism. Thus, I drank again and the insanity returned. The insanity of thinking I could drink normally. Within a few months I was drinking as much as I had been when I quit back in 1997. Which was over a fifth of vodka a day. Bad.
So to get back to the original question, is a spiritual solution necessary for alcoholism treatment? In my experience, yes it is. Although “spiritual solution” can mean about anything, but in it’s simplest form… well, let’s see… I’ll just say that finding some humility and believing in something or someone outside of yourself is the foundation. A holistic approach is essential. We need to grow in all aspects of our lives; mind, body, and spirit. Sure, as I shared, we may be able to go some time without drinking thinking we’re treating our alcoholism with self-knowledge and abstinence, but believe me, it’s not all that fun.
To live a life without alcohol, to truly treat the disease of alcoholism and live a life completely fulfilling, a holistic approach has been the only one that works for me. You see, I knew I could just not drink. Heck I’d done that hundreds of times. Staying stopped and finding a life full of serenity, happiness, and peace is what I was missing in my treatment program.The peace I was missing was the spiritual solution. So although I think it’s possible to not drink without a spiritual program of recovery, I do believe that if we don’t seek some type of humility and holistic approach to treating our alcoholism, we’re become miserable enough that one day we will drink again. And for me as a real alcoholic, to drink is to die.
Treating the disease of alcoholism can be different for everyone. However, one thing that the majority of long-term recovered alcoholics have in common, is some type of holistic approach to their treatment program. Like I mentioned before, I knew I could stop drinking for certain periods of time, but my life still wasn’t all I thought it could be. Without alcohol I was still missing something. Unless I filled that hole with something of significance, something that was so powerful that it would always over shadow any urge I had to drink, I would eventually drink again. For me, that “something” is the amazing life I have today. The ability to match calamity with serenity in the face of any life obstacles.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
hello!
my name is ina and my husband is an alcoholic. he says about himself that he is a “miner” alcoholic and that he can stop drinking at anytime. he thinks it is not bad to drink a couple beers every night. he also has 2 or 3 night a week when he gets real drunk. he is a good guy, don’t get me wrong! he is never violent or anything. he treats me with respect. i still don’t wanna live like this anymore. i, myself, don’t like alcohol. i drink maybe once a month or once every two months. i need to have a really good day before i feel like having a drink. anyways, i really wanna help him but i just don’t know how. i know that i can’t push him to go to treatment because that won’t help him. do you have any idea how i can make him see that he has a disease? please help me!
thanks so much!
ina
ina,
I’m sure he is a good man. In my experience, there is no such thing as a “minor” alcoholic. Either you are or you aren’t. Personally I even went for a period of over 6 years where I didn’t drink, however, I was not growing emotionally or spiritually and was what we call a “dry drunk.” The key to what you wrote for me is, “I still don’t wanna live like this anymore.” Sure, it’s easy for me now to sit back and give suggestions and advice, but when you’re in something like you’re experiencing it’s hard I know. All my experience is from the alcoholics side of it, not the person living with me. So that’s where my sharing comes from. For me, no one could make me go to treatment or get help, as you’ve said yourself. Not until the consequences of my drinking became more painful then living the way I was living was I willing to look at myself and make a change. And that took several years and attempts. There are support groups for loved ones living with alcoholics, mainly one called Ala-Non. My mother started attending Al-Anon years ago as my father drank also, so I have some experience with it and I know it helped her tremendously. The thing is, it’s your life and you’re responsible for your happiness. I know it’s hard, and I know you desperately want to be “enough” for someone else to want to change or stop drinking. But from experience, I can tell you that as an alcoholic, nothing and no-one was enough for me to want to stop. I had to get to a point where living the way I was living just sucked so bad that even the fear of trying something different (AA, spiritual help, etc.) was welcoming.
No one could make me see that I had a disease, it took me reaching my point of desperation to finally accept that I truly had to do something about it. For me that place was dark and bad, but it doesn’t have to be for everyone. Something that always resonates with me is something Jeff VanVonderen (an interventionist on A&E’s show Intervention) always says to family members about the alcoholic or addict, “There’s nothing we won’t do to help you get better, but there’s nothing we’re going to continue doing that will allow this to go on any longer.”
I know with my father, he passed away last July (2010) he never quit drinking. Although that’s his story, I just feel that the consequences of his drinking never become severe enough for him to want to quit. Think about it…. why would I as an alcoholic want to quit drinking if I’m not suffering any real consequences? Sure, everyone else around me may be suffering, but from the way I see it, I’m drinking and living the way I want to. That DOES not mean I’m a bad person, just sick. My only suggestion to you would be, take care of yourself, find a support group and show him that you’re going to be well and happy. I wish you the best of luck and you’ll be in my thoughts and prayers.