It’s amazing to see people in recovery grow emotionally, spiritually, and start to really grasp the concept of gratitude around their sobriety. If you’ve been around recovery for a while, it’s easy to see who is working an alcohol treatment program and who is simply white knuckling it. The ones who are working a program are growing and you can see the change right before your eyes.
One way people grow in treatment programs is to stop being a victim and start taking responsibility for their actions and recovery. Personally, my treatment program revolves around the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous. The 12 Steps helped me develop a spiritual way of living that has been invaluable not only to my sobriety, but all aspects of my life. But then without my sobriety, there really wouldn’t be “aspects” to my life besides drinking. Regardless of what type of alcohol treatment program you’re working, it’s important to take suggestions and directions from those who have something to offer. This story sort of demonstrates what I’m talking about:
A drunk fell in a hole and couldn’t get out. A businessman went by. The drunk called out for help. The businessman threw him some money and told him get yourself a ladder. But the drunk could not find a ladder in this hole he was in.
A doctor walked by. The drunk said, “Help, I can’t get out.” The doctor gave him drugs and said, “Take this, it will relieve the pain.” The drunk said thanks, but when the pills ran out, he was still in the hole.
A renowned psychiatrist rode by and heard the drunks cries for help. He stopped and said, “How did you get there? Were you born there? Were you put there by your parents? Tell me about yourself, it will alleviate your sense of loneliness.” So the drunk talked with him for an hour, then the psychiatrist had to leave, but he said he’d be back next week. The drunk thanked him, but he was still in his hole.
A priest came by and the drunk called for help. The priest gave him a Bible and said I’ll say a prayer for you. He got down on his knees and prayed for the drunk, then left. The drunk was very grateful, he read the Bible, but he was still stuck in that hole.
A recovering alcoholic happened to be passing by. The drunk cried out, “Hey, help me, I’m stuck in this hole.” Right away, the recovering alcoholic jumped in the hole with him. The drunk said, “What are you doing? Now we’re both stuck here.” But the recovering alcoholic said, “It’s okay, I’ve been here before, I know how to get out.”
What I find amazing is how treatment programs work in peoples lives when they truly dedicate themselves to working it. I see it everyday in recovery, someone whom just months ago was at deaths door, is now full of gratitude and making huge strides by simply doing “the next right thing.” What’s more amazing is how little every day things, which may have been considered triggers before; now help them find gratitude for their sobriety.
If you know someone who is trying to work an alcohol treatment program, be patient and allow the process to work. Most of the old habits and unhealthy ways we used to live have been ingrained in us for years; it takes time to build new habits and ways of thinking. It’s been my experience that for most programs, if the person is truly working it to the best of their ability, and more importantly being honest with themselves, then they will get better.
One thing I notice with people who are working hard at their program is their ability to see things as the way they are, which is coined in recovery as “accepting life on life’s terms.” When situations arise that may have caused them to drink while in their alcoholism or early recovery, they now view them as learning experiences. The main difference is they let the experiences take them to where they’re supposed to be in their recovery and not just where they’ve ended up (i.e. a victim).
There’s a term around recovery called the “pink cloud.” This is the period early in sobriety when things seem great and simple. The person is feeling great physically because their body is somewhat cleansed of alcohol and they’re still feeling pretty good emotionally because they’re experiencing all the great things they can accomplish now that they’re sober. For some, this pink cloud can continue forever, and it is my opinion that if we truly do the work, this period can last forever. However, for others, the pink cloud phase ends when they realize what mess they’ve created of their lives and that they must start doing some serious work if they’re to stay sober. Things like personal inventory, amends, and attempting to find a spiritual connection in their lives. I like to think of these things as not hard so much as uncomfortable. This is an important part of recovery since most of our drinking careers revolved around avoiding emotionally uncomfortable situations. But these are the things we must work at if we’re to stay sober.
It is also important for family members of addicts or alcoholics to work some type of treatment program themselves. There are programs such as Al-Anon which help family members of alcoholics learn how to deal with the uncertainties that come with the disease of alcoholism. Most people would think it’s the alcoholic’s problem, why should I or our family have to work a treatment program? What some people don’t realize is that everyone in an alcoholic’s life is affected in some way or another whether we realize it or not. I see it all the time in recovery and have experienced it myself. The alcoholic is getting better while the family member is still hurt, living in the past, and in some cases even (deep down) doesn’t want the alcoholic to get better because they may be just as addicted to being the care-taker or numerous other roles. It can be difficult too for a family member who has been hurt by the actions of an alcoholic to suddenly see them feeling good, laughing, having fun, and spending all sorts of time with friends and others in recovery. They may feel they should continue to be remorseful and/or start making up for lost time and all the hurtful things they did while drinking. If this is the case, I highly suggest (whether the person is working AA or not) reading two chapters in the book Alcoholics Anonymous: Chapter 8 To Wives and Chapter 9 The Family Afterward.
As a recovered alcoholic, some things I notice in those who are working an alcohol treatment program are: talking about their emotions (fears, anxieties, etc.) and being honest with themselves, attending some sort of meetings or support groups, counseling, spending time with friends in recovery, decrease in anger, developing some type of spirituality or holistic view about themselves and the world, and most importantly not drinking. This list is obviously not complete as everyone works their own program.
One of the biggest ways to tell if someone is not working a good program is if they are still encountering the same problems over and over in their lives. Insanity is considered doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Someone who is truly working a treatment program for alcoholism will grow whether they are realizing it or not. One of the by-products of that growth will be the ability to better learn from their mistakes and eventually stop making them.
I must admit that I went over six years without drinking and without working an alcohol treatment program. That is rare but then I’m a real stubborn guy. I would not suggest this; which is called white knuckling or a dry drunk. There’s a saying around recovery, “sober up a horse thief and you’ve still got a horse thief.” This tells me that even though I may have stopped drinking, there are still emotional issues I need to deal with or I will eventually drink again. I can verify this to be true. Granted there is no guarantee that if we do work a treatment program that we won’t relapse, but I can attest that life is a million times more enjoyable with the tools I’ve learned from a recovery program.
I knew I could stop drinking; heck I had done it many times before. It was staying stopped and learning how to really enjoy life without alcohol which I had problems with. Simply NOT drinking was not going to work for me because alcohol had been the solution to my problem for so many years. It helped me cope with uncomfortable situations and was always there to comfort me; without it, I became a recluse and sort of walked around whistling in the dark.