So you think you or someone you know needs treatment for alcoholism? No idea where to start? Good news, there’s plenty of information and people who are willing to help. Just be careful that you’re getting the information you need and the help that’s right for you.
First off, let me say that I’m not a doctor or associated with any alcoholism treatment program or facility. However, I have been a patient in an alcohol treatment center on several occasions as well as a volunteer and speaker. I’ll admit the first few times I was admitted as a patient I didn’t go voluntarily. However, what I did learn while there was invaluable, but as I’ll explain, knowledge is only half the battle when it comes to treating alcoholism.
Getting treatment for alcoholism isn’t like going to the hospital to get your tonsils removed. There is no cure, regardless of what late night infomercial you’ve seen. But then I guess whether or not you believe that would depend on if you believe alcoholism is a disease? That is an entirely different topic, one which I’m very passionate about and have some interesting views on…. OK, I’ll discuss the whole “is alcoholism a disease” topic here briefly for those of you who haven’t heard me rant about it before.
When alcohol first started causing problems in my life, I may have acknowledged the idea that I was an alcoholic, but was far from doing anything about it; much less seek any alcoholism treatment program or voluntarily enter an alcohol treatment center. I was sure I could eventually handle my drinking or control it; after all, I had been successful at achieving so many other difficult things in my life. I discovered as an alcoholic, I can either control my drinking or enjoy it; not both. So if I accepted I was an alcoholic and then tried to quit, only to realize I could not successfully, then I was really stuck. Now keep in mind that I did go for almost 7 years at one point without drinking alcohol (although I was doing a lot of other “not so healthy” behavior). For a true alcoholic, if we’re not growing holistically and bettering our emotional and spiritual well being through some type of alcohol treatment program, we will drink again.
OK, back to the whole “is alcoholism a disease” topic. OK, so I realize I’m an alcoholic and can’t stop drinking. I try and try on my own to no avail. So what’s that mean? If I don’t accept that alcoholism is a disease then who is responsible for my destructive behavior that I can’t seem to stop??? WHO???? That’s right, me! For me to ever recovery and stop loathing myself long-enough to get any sense of self-esteem back, I’ve got to have a seed of belief in something other than me being a total peace of shyt. That’s where the whole disease thing first starting to creep into my mind. If I could at least try and accept it was a disease, then maybe I’m not completely responsible. NOW, keep in mind this can be a slippery slope where because one of the biggest steps in recovery and treatment for alcoholics is accepting responsibility for our own behavior. And believe me, it’s easy to slip back into drinking and bad behavior and just say “ah hell, what do you expect? I have a disease and I’m an alcoholic. I can’t help it.” That’s BS and just an excuse to drink or because we think “this time” it will be different. So believing a little bit that is possible that alcoholism may be a disease, sort of helped me in my early recovery not to be so damn hard on myself. Today my view is someone different as I have seen a lot of other data and resources about it being a disease and believe it to be truer than ever. Regardless of whether or not it’s a disease, you can’t argue with how devastating a person’s life and those around them becomes when they start seriously abusing alcohol. Regardless of whether they believe the have a disease or not, if they’re emotionally and physically addicted to alcohol and do not stop and seek some type of alcoholism treatment program, they will continue to drink and eventually die (most likely) from complications caused by their drinking.
So how does one go about finding treatment for their alcoholism? Not too many alcoholics I know started out one weekend seeking help for their alcoholism or looked in the yellow pages under “treatment for alcoholics.” No way, things just finally got bad enough that we decided it was either seek help for our alcoholism or die. There’s a well known saying around recovery that promises three things if you are an alcoholic and refuse to accept and treat it, the three things are “jail, institutions, or death.” But there is a forth option which is available to those who choose to seek treatment for their alcoholism, that is freedom and a beautiful life free from drugs and alcohol.
Another saying is, “once a pickle never a cucumber.” Translated; once an alcoholic never NOT an alcoholic. That is why if you are an alcoholic and don’t seek treatment, you will drink again. I know, you’re saying, “but I’m different, I have strong willpower and have overcome…” blah blah blah. Whatever. Been there, done that. Like I mentioned earlier, I went almost 7 years without a drop of alcohol. Was I happy? I thought I was but realize now I was NO WHERE near living up to my potential. Abstinence sucks I’m here to tell you. Think you haven’t been numbing certain emotional issues with all those years of drinking? NO? Well if you’re anything like me, then you’re just naive or stupid. I sure was. I figured there’s no way I can be an alcoholic because I had a great childhood. I wasn’t locked in a closet or barn for any extended period of time and had a pretty normal childhood as a farm boy. I was fairly popular in school (although it was a small school) but just really enjoyed partying. What did or did not happen to me or you in our childhood has nothing to do with whether or not you can stop drinking. Even if it does have something to do with why you or I are alcoholics (if you are one); it simply doesn’t matter. Here’s why.
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out why I drank alcoholically, I mean if I could figure that out, fix that, then I could drink normally right? I didn’t need treatment for alcoholism; I just needed to learn how to drink like a normal person. Now here’s the important part, regardless of what the past holds, once I started drinking alcoholically there’s no going back. Never a cucumber, so why spend worthless hours trying to figure out why. Of course it may and WILL help you in long term recovery to look back over your life and learn more about yourself, and this is vital in growing emotionally and spiritually; but it won’t make you or me NOT an alcoholic. I heard a fellow alcoholic in recovery say once “People spend so much time trying to figure out how something got on them when they should be trying to figure out how to get it off!”
Treatment for alcoholics starts with the commitment to stop drinking. From experience, stopping is the easy part, it’s staying stopped that’s the hard part. There’s more to treating alcoholism then abstinence. The amazing part of alcoholism treatment is learning to live a life so full of gratitude, enjoyment, and self-love and respect that any chance to sabotage that life becomes un-attractive. Sure there will be times when you think about having a drink or that possibly this time it will be different, but if we look deep down inside our souls, we know what we want. We want to drink to get drunk. We like the feeling alcohol gives us and any other reason we tell ourselves is a lie. We may tell ourselves that we want to be social or that drinking loosens us up or relaxes us. Yet if we look deep inside, we know we want to feel different.
Successful treatment for alcoholism involves treating our inner soul and finding love for self which makes anything detrimental to our well being unnatural. When I look back over my drinking years, I realize how badly I treated myself. Although I thought I had high self-esteem, I realize now (in contrast to my life today) that had I truly loved myself, I would not have treated myself the way I did. I would not have ignored the need for alcohol abuse treatment early in my drinking career. Honestly, in most cases I treated friends better than I treated myself.
Finding an alcoholism treatment program that works for you means finding something you can commit to. Something that you’re willing to follow at any cost to get better. For some that consists of support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, a spiritual program, and in most successful cases a combination of both. It’s my opinion that if you’re simply not drinking, you’re not treating your alcoholism. Sober up a horse thief and you’ve still got a house thief. That’s not saying you or I are thieves (which in my drinking days I certainly was in many ways), but that just because we remove the alcohol all our problems are not going to magically disappear. Certainly our lives are bound to get better once we stop drinking, but if you’re truly alcoholic, chances are the day will come when you will drink again if you’re not effectively working some type of treatment program.
Recovered alcoholics who are effectively treating their alcoholism through a holistic treatment program (working on mind, body, and spiritual aspects of their lives) are the most happy and amazing people I’ve ever known. Amazingly, most of them also admit that their lives are better than they could have ever imagined; which is why many recovered alcoholics refer to themselves as grateful recovered alcoholics.
If you step back and look at recovering alcoholics who have happy and joyful lives free of alcohol, it’s no coincidence the majority of them have something in common; they’re following some type of alcoholism treatment program which involves the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of their lives.
There are really only three things (that are indispensable) that you need to successfully treat alcoholism: honesty, open mindedness, and willingness. These are invaluable regardless of the type of treatment program you choose.
Be honest with yourself. Only you know if you’re an alcoholic. It’s amazing now to look back on my history of denial and self-deception. I see now that for a long time before I really sought the help I needed, I rationalized everything about my drinking and self-destructive behavior. One of the great things about recovery is that today I can see my true motives in all aspects of my life. It’s truly amazing to not only know self, but to respect and trust self.
Be open-minded. Successfully treating your alcoholism means surrendering to the idea that you can’t do it alone. That you may not actually know what is best for you and that there “just” might be someone out there who can help you. One thing I realized in early recovery was that I simply didn’t know what I didn’t know. I had no idea there was an amazing life out there waiting for me and ways of living that bring more happiness than I could have ever imagined. It took try something different and the willingness to stay committed to it long enough to experience the benefits of the hard work.
Treatment for alcoholism has little chance of working if the person is not willing to commit to recovery. Even if it’s a small commitment to begin with, it takes a start and can grow into something meaningful, consistent, and life changing. Many in recovery attribute their long-term success to the concept of “one day at a time.” Amazing to think that by just committing to living a healthy and sober life today can build into something long-term.
Regardless of what type of treatment program you try, jump in and commit to it as much as you did with your drinking.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
My brother has an alcohol addiction that was the major reason he got divorced and now, is finally affecting his job, social relationships, his relationship with his small children and his siblings. As his sister, I am at a loss as to how to move forward. We have been brutally honest with him, and after a recent one week holiday in which he and his two children visited myself and my other brother, we got to see his truth. My alcoholic brother wallowed in his depression and alternated between telling us what a bad father he is (crying and feeling sorry for himself) and telling us he knows he is an alcoholic and chooses to continue drinking. He even stated that he wished he did not have children so that he could just “check out”. My other brother and I had difficulty not getting very angry with him, but for the sake of the children who were visiting the Jersey Shore for their summer vacation, we held back (a bit). During this week, my alcoholic brother chose to enjoy being a victim and we were left with taking his children to Six Flags Great Adventure, the County Fair, days on the beach etc. They all have since returned to their home in Atlanta and needless to say, my brother is no longer welcome to come to stay with us. What are we now to do? We have already told him that unless he seeks professional help, we will not support him. A few years ago, he actually was in AA and was sober and going to meetings for nearly one year.
Tricia,
I feel for you, I really do. That has to be hard and I know it’s something my older sister and family went through with me as well. I can’t imagine how difficult it is to watch someone you love slowly destroy themselves.
My older sister had been there many times, allowing me to stay with her and her husband while I “got my act together” or trying to sober up since I’d either been kicked out of the house where I lived or simply left. She was very supportive and I’ve never doubted her love. However, the last time I locked myself away from the world (in a loft apartment) and began a deep, deep depression and drinking binge, she didn’t come save me. Her words were simple, she told me over the phone “I don’t feel sorry for you and I won’t come save you, but if you choose ‘life’, call me and I’ll be there.” My mother also stayed away and simply prayed for me… it still brings a lump in my throat now just typing it. Knowing what my family had to be going through as I wallowed in self-pity and destruction. But that was it, I was completely alone (and as they say, “the isolation had become complete”) and I had to make a choice whether I wanted to live or die. I know it’s dramatic, but alcoholism is a deadly disease and it’s serious. The day I decided to live was March 12th 2006 and have been in recovery since. God willing I’ll make it through today.
In the past I had “brief” glimpses of sobriety, but nothing like what it sounds like your brother may have had in the past (a year and some involvement in AA). That can be really difficult and I’m sure his guilt and self-worth are unbearable. There’s nothing worse than a belly full of booze and a head full of AA.
You say he “enjoyed being a victim” – that’s interesting because I can relate. I have realized in recovery though that as long as I’m a victim I’m not responsible. And if I accept my plight, I have to do something about it. And there are two things an alcoholic doesn’t like; the way things are and change. It’s a terrible place to be stuck and I was stuck in it for years! In my experience, what it took to change was a couple of things… OK, maybe three (if I could actually try and put it into just a few things): 1. I realized when it came down to it I really didn’t want to die, 2. The pain of the way I was living had to become greater than the fear of trying something completely different (help and a spiritual solution), and 3. I had to accept that I truly was an alcoholic and if I didn’t quit I would surely die (accepting and admitting are two different things). Acceptance is sort of like deciding you’re going to do something about it, but first you have to accept the fact that you are an alcoholic and that it will kill you.
Being a victim is easy. It puts the blame on everyone else and takes away responsibility. But don’t confuse the word “easy” with weakness or lack of moral value. This is a disease we’re talking about and we’re sick. I’m an amazing person who happened to just not truly accept and love myself. It’s a tangled, deep, and complex reason why I continually destroyed myself. And the reasons are still coming clear years later. I wasn’t abused as a child or locked in a closet, I just started drinking at an early age and alcohol was always, always, a part of my life. I think I was just born an alcoholic. I simply loved the way it made me feel. But at some point it turned on me and made me feel worse about myself. For me, I think just having been drinking for so long I never really knew myself deeply or how to deal with emotions. I had a spiritual hole I was always trying to fill with something outside myself.
The most intriguing part is that all of the things I know about myself today, were completely blind to me because of my disease. Like the fact that I did not love or value myself. During my drinking days I thought just the opposite; that I had a high self-esteem and was very positive. Yet in retrospect and comparison, it’s clearly not the case as I would not have treated myself the way I did had I truly love myself.
Unfortunately you just can’t give someone desperation or self-worth. Which I’m sure you’d do about anything to give that to your brother. It’s something we have to find for ourselves. All you can really do is take care of yourself and let your brother know you love him. I know it’s not much comfort to hear there’s not much you can do, and it’s hard to understand, but I also know you probably already realize that. I’m sure you’re aware of Al-Anon, if not, you should check it out. It’s helped my family a lot.
I want to also emphasize that all I know is from the perspective of the alcoholic and try not to give advice so much as share my experience.
Something that always resonates with me is something Jeff VanVonderen (an interventionist on A&E’s show Intervention) always says to family members about the alcoholic or addict, “There’s nothing we won’t do to help you get better, but there’s nothing we’re going to continue doing that will allow this to go on any longer.”
I wish you the best and will be praying for your family and your brother especially.