It’s amazing to see people in recovery grow emotionally, spiritually, and start to really grasp the concept of gratitude around their sobriety. If you’ve been around recovery for a while, it’s easy to see who is working an alcohol treatment program and who is simply white knuckling it. The ones who are working a program are growing and you can see the change right before your eyes.

One way people grow in treatment programs is to stop being a victim and start taking responsibility for their actions and recovery. Personally, my treatment program revolves around the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous. The 12 Steps helped me develop a spiritual way of living that has been invaluable not only to my sobriety, but all aspects of my life. But then without my sobriety, there really wouldn’t be “aspects” to my life besides drinking. Regardless of what type of alcohol treatment program you’re working, it’s important to take suggestions and directions from those who have something to offer. This story sort of demonstrates what I’m talking about:

A drunk fell in a hole and couldn’t get out. A businessman went by. The drunk called out for help. The businessman threw him some money and told him get yourself a ladder. But the drunk could not find a ladder in this hole he was in.

A doctor walked by. The drunk said, “Help, I can’t get out.” The doctor gave him drugs and said, “Take this, it will relieve the pain.” The drunk said thanks, but when the pills ran out, he was still in the hole.

A renowned psychiatrist rode by and heard the drunks cries for help. He stopped and said, “How did you get there? Were you born there? Were you put there by your parents? Tell me about yourself, it will alleviate your sense of loneliness.” So the drunk talked with him for an hour, then the psychiatrist had to leave, but he said he’d be back next week. The drunk thanked him, but he was still in his hole.

A priest came by and the drunk called for help. The priest gave him a Bible and said I’ll say a prayer for you. He got down on his knees and prayed for the drunk, then left. The drunk was very grateful, he read the Bible, but he was still stuck in that hole.

A recovering alcoholic happened to be passing by. The drunk cried out, “Hey, help me, I’m stuck in this hole.” Right away, the recovering alcoholic jumped in the hole with him. The drunk said, “What are you doing? Now we’re both stuck here.” But the recovering alcoholic said, “It’s okay, I’ve been here before, I know how to get out.”

What I find amazing is how treatment programs work in peoples lives when they truly dedicate themselves to working it. I see it everyday in recovery, someone whom just months ago was at deaths door, is now full of gratitude and making huge strides by simply doing “the next right thing.” What’s more amazing is how little every day things, which may have been considered triggers before; now help them find gratitude for their sobriety.

If you know someone who is trying to work an alcohol treatment program, be patient and allow the process to work. Most of the old habits and unhealthy ways we used to live have been ingrained in us for years; it takes time to build new habits and ways of thinking. It’s been my experience that for most programs, if the person is truly working it to the best of their ability, and more importantly being honest with themselves, then they will get better.
One thing I notice with people who are working hard at their program is their ability to see things as the way they are, which is coined in recovery as “accepting life on life’s terms.” When situations arise that may have caused them to drink while in their alcoholism or early recovery, they now view them as learning experiences. The main difference is they let the experiences take them to where they’re supposed to be in their recovery and not just where they’ve ended up (i.e. a victim).

There’s a term around recovery called the “pink cloud.” This is the period early in sobriety when things seem great and simple. The person is feeling great physically because their body is somewhat cleansed of alcohol and they’re still feeling pretty good emotionally because they’re experiencing all the great things they can accomplish now that they’re sober. For some, this pink cloud can continue forever, and it is my opinion that if we truly do the work, this period can last forever. However, for others, the pink cloud phase ends when they realize what mess they’ve created of their lives and that they must start doing some serious work if they’re to stay sober. Things like personal inventory, amends, and attempting to find a spiritual connection in their lives. I like to think of these things as not hard so much as uncomfortable. This is an important part of recovery since most of our drinking careers revolved around avoiding emotionally uncomfortable situations. But these are the things we must work at if we’re to stay sober.

It is also important for family members of addicts or alcoholics to work some type of treatment program themselves. There are programs such as Al-Anon which help family members of alcoholics learn how to deal with the uncertainties that come with the disease of alcoholism. Most people would think it’s the alcoholic’s problem, why should I or our family have to work a treatment program? What some people don’t realize is that everyone in an alcoholic’s life is affected in some way or another whether we realize it or not. I see it all the time in recovery and have experienced it myself. The alcoholic is getting better while the family member is still hurt, living in the past, and in some cases even (deep down) doesn’t want the alcoholic to get better because they may be just as addicted to being the care-taker or numerous other roles. It can be difficult too for a family member who has been hurt by the actions of an alcoholic to suddenly see them feeling good, laughing, having fun, and spending all sorts of time with friends and others in recovery. They may feel they should continue to be remorseful and/or start making up for lost time and all the hurtful things they did while drinking. If this is the case, I highly suggest (whether the person is working AA or not) reading two chapters in the book Alcoholics Anonymous: Chapter 8 To Wives and Chapter 9 The Family Afterward.

As a recovered alcoholic, some things I notice in those who are working an alcohol treatment program are: talking about their emotions (fears, anxieties, etc.) and being honest with themselves, attending some sort of meetings or support groups, counseling, spending time with friends in recovery, decrease in anger, developing some type of spirituality or holistic view about themselves and the world, and most importantly not drinking. This list is obviously not complete as everyone works their own program.

One of the biggest ways to tell if someone is not working a good program is if they are still encountering the same problems over and over in their lives. Insanity is considered doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Someone who is truly working a treatment program for alcoholism will grow whether they are realizing it or not. One of the by-products of that growth will be the ability to better learn from their mistakes and eventually stop making them.

I must admit that I went over six years without drinking and without working an alcohol treatment program. That is rare but then I’m a real stubborn guy. I would not suggest this; which is called white knuckling or a dry drunk. There’s a saying around recovery, “sober up a horse thief and you’ve still got a horse thief.” This tells me that even though I may have stopped drinking, there are still emotional issues I need to deal with or I will eventually drink again. I can verify this to be true. Granted there is no guarantee that if we do work a treatment program that we won’t relapse, but I can attest that life is a million times more enjoyable with the tools I’ve learned from a recovery program.

I knew I could stop drinking; heck I had done it many times before. It was staying stopped and learning how to really enjoy life without alcohol which I had problems with. Simply NOT drinking was not going to work for me because alcohol had been the solution to my problem for so many years. It helped me cope with uncomfortable situations and was always there to comfort me; without it, I became a recluse and sort of walked around whistling in the dark.

I wake up every morning with untreated alcoholism. I cannot rest on accomplishments or laurels of yesterday. However, if I do stay diligent and strive each day to grow spiritually, there is no end to the freedom I will find. By surrendering to the fact that I am an alcoholic, and making a decision to really do something about it, I become open to the possibility of becoming who I might be.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”
-Lao Tzu

There is a saying about alcoholics, there are two things we do not like; the way things are and change. If I’m truly going to treat my alcoholism, I must be willing to accept significant change. And we’re not just talking about a geological or physical change, we’re talking about a deep, long-lasting, psychic change. A complete change in our way of thinking. In order for me to obtain healthy long-term sobriety—and happiness—I must change the way I see the world around me and my place in it.

So each day I wake up and pray for guidance from a Higher Power. I know that my alcoholism is always there and as an alcoholic I must be diligent about treating it. So I pray every morning and night. When I first started praying I wasn’t really sure who or what I was praying to. I was doing it simply because someone who knew more about alcoholism than I did suggested I pray. After some time, the prayers started meaning something and I saw results. I would say that roughly 98% of my prayers are for other people and the other 2% are that I have willingness to grow and to accept whatever is in store for me.

Getting back to the topic of getting up each day with untreated alcoholism. If I were to go several days or a week without prayer and trying to grow spiritually, my thought process get’s off kilter. Also known as “off the beam.” Meaning thoughts come into my head that start to lead me closer to a drink. Closer to a drink for an alcoholic like me means thoughts that are usually selfish and self-centered. Either self-pity or completely selfish thoughts usually lead me to drinking. When I start to think that I’m the only important thing in this world, a drink is usually not too far away. Humility is important to staying sober. If I think my crap don’t stick and I’m invincible, then I’m looking to fall hard. I forget what alcohol does to me and start thinking that I can handle it.

If I’m not growing spiritually-treating my alcoholism-then I’m heading for a relapse. It may not happen today or tomorrow, but sooner or later, if I’m not treating my alcoholism, I’m going to drink again. And for me, to drink is to die.

Let’s say me and my friend Steve are going to meet down at the local bar everynight at 5:00 p.m. for the next 90 days in a row. Our goal is to get drunk. But all we do is sit there and look at the bottles lining the wall behind the bartender. We talk about how drunk we’re going to get when we lift that bottle up to our mouths and feel that warm whiskey running down our throats and into our blood. But again, all we do is talk about it. We don’t ask the bartender to help us or pour us anything, all we do is talk. Then we wonder why we’re not getting drunk. Must be the bartenders fault of course, isn’t that his job… to get us drunk?

OK, now say I’ve been getting in trouble with the law for awhile now. A few DUI”s or whatever, let’s just say that drinking alcohol has really gotten me into a lot of trouble. People keep telling me I should go to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or a treatment program for my problem. Finally I decide to do something about it, at least to get everyone off my back. Then I hear the people in AA and the treatment center suggesting I go to 90 AA meetings in 90 days. So I do that, I go to 90 meetings in 90 days. I sit there and listen to everyone talking about their issues and how great or terrible their life is. I come out of a few meetings feeling something, maybe if anything I’ve forgotten about all my problems for an hour.

But all I do is listen to what everyone is saying. I take no action. I don’t do anything they suggest, like get a sponsor and work the steps. Consequently, I do not get the desired effect I am seeking, like serenity and inner peace.

It is possible to come out of AA meetings feeling, but that is different than healing. If you truly are an alcoholic like me, than we need to find some healing. Feeling only lasts for so long, then we’re drunk again. What we really need is some real healing that comes with truly working a recovery program. You see, the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are like the bottles on the shelf behind the bartender. If we do not take the action which will get us the desired results, we’re not going to get better.

The story about the two guys, the bar, and 90 meetings and 90 days was inspired by an AA speaker I heard by the name of Giuseppe. I just wanted people to know I did not come up with that brilliant analogy by myself. Actually, when you think about it, most of the things we learn are from someone else right? So why not go get something from someone who has something you want? Like true recovery.

Like the saying goes, “if you want something you’ve never had, you must do something you’ve never done.” For me, that something was surrender and ask for help.

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